Those Words given by A Father That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk between men, who still hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - spending a few days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."