🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.